More Game Party review (Wii)

Black Lace. You do you remember them, don't you? They were a creatively bankrupt eighties duo with faux Lady Di hairstyles, who foisted a succession of piss poor pop records onto an unsuspecting public. Chief among their many crimes was the album Party Party, which, contrary to good taste and sanity, found itself on constant rotation at nanas' celebrations the length and breadth of Blighty. After remaking that same album a further eight times, the band finally Conga'd out of our lives about ten years ago.

But fear not dear reader, because thanks to More Game Party, Black Lace live on in electronic form. And even though none of the ten mini-games on offer have you doing 'the train across the floor', there's plenty of equally mundane and ultimately pointless activities to try.

High Octane Party

I don't know about you, but many's the time I've hankered for a really good game of Lawn Darts. Thanks to an abundance of wood and concrete flooring in my immediate vicinity, however, I haven't been able to finds something soft and wet to stick my missile into. Cue More Game Party, which faithfully recreates this engaging activity in all its glorious detail, from the floppy, unpredictable projectile all the way down to the moist grassy bits. Seriously, though, you'd be hard pushed to find a better simulation of the 'sport', or come to that, any other simulation. Hold down 'A', flick the Wii-mote for strength, and then release 'A'. Minutes of fun guaranteed.

Things started to look a bit brighter with the next game on the list though: Shuffle Board. I say brighter because I had no idea what Shuffle Board entails. As it turns out, it involves sliding a puck over a length of wood into a scoring zone. Apart from some minutiae regarding the scoring system, that's exactly as exciting as it sounds. Worse, however, is that the method of control is almost identical to that of Lawn Darts.

National Socialist Party

In fact, the game's biggest problem is that virtually every one of the activities has you performing the same action with the Wii-mote. Horseshoes? Hold down 'A', swing the Wii-mote, release the 'A' button. Beanbags? Hold down 'A', swing the Wii-mote, release the 'A' button. For all the difference it makes, you could be throwing confetti at a wedding or cyanide pills at Hitler in his bunker; there really is no distinction between activities or sense of authenticity.

In fairness, there are some subtle nuances to a couple of the games - proper Darts for example, allows you to aim your arrow at the board with a reticule before the mandatory swing and release game mechanic comes into play, and it's probably the most tolerable of the games featured.

S&M Party

If you're a stickler for punishment, chances are that you've already played half of the 10 mini-games in More Game Party. Skill Ball, Hoop Shoot, Ping Cup, Shuffle Board and Darts were all included in the original game, and it's a bit of a mystery why they reprise their roles here in light of the less than rapturous reception afforded them first time around. More positively, the erratic control issues that apparently dogged the first game have been resolved, as the Wii-mote does a decent job of translating your motions into actions, limited though the scope of those actions are.

In an apparent effort to inject some much needed variety and longevity, some of the activities have different modes to try. Ultimately, though, all they do is prolong the agony as none of them change the core game mechanic, and it won't be long before you are moving onto the next mini-game in a vain attempt to find something worthwhile.

Arty Party

Graphically, there's nothing to write home, or indeed, here, about. The usual cutesy Wii character graphics are brought to life with a predictably colorful palette in low detail surroundings such as amusement arcades or white picket fence gardens, although one glaring omission is the ability to import your Mii characters to the game. This is perhaps understandable, as the game's intended hook is to get you to unlock more playable character options through the collection of tickets earned via game achievements. But after a few rounds of Puck Bowling I was hoping that the already playable characters would be locked up again for crimes against humanity.

Likewise, there's nothing remotely remarkable about the sound; it carries out its task in a workman-like fashion, occasionally rising to an unrealistic cheery crescendo as a crowd of presumably American NPCs whoop and holler at yet another daring beanbag throw.

Party Pooper

While the Wii has gained a reputation as a family friendly, social piece of kit rather than a hardcore console for the more traditional darkened room loner, there really is no excuse for this kind of merciless cash-in. Even at the reduced price point, there is nothing about this title that could justify a recommendation, not even for young kids, lest they grow up, commit some horrendous crime and blame it on 'that' video game.

Make no mistake, all of the mini-games are so shallow that you couldn't drown a pre-pubescent pygmy in them. Indeed, If a more damning indictment were needed, it actually took me longer to write this review than to play through and get bored of all the activities in More Game Party. So that's it then. Game over. Or in this case, it never really began.